dude i'm inner monologue high
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
