I'm gonna have a badass scar
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
