You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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