it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
