You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
