Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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