That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i love accidental penises.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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