Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
