ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
