i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
