im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How external is "for external use only"?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
