Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
