The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
