how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
