dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
