Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
