He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
