hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
