Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
