p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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