I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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