i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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