can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
