ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
