saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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