gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
