wanna go halves on a baby?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he thought i was a dude.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
