he puts the penis in happiness.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
