what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
