dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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