my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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