You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
