I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
