And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
