hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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