It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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