I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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