My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
