I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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