i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
