Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
