I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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