I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
