i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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