Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
