I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Panties = found
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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