At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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