I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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