I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
