piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
