Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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