ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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