I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
