Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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