He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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