then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
