you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
