haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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