I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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