it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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