I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
