You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't turn off my feet"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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