her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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