It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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