Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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