dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this will be a night to untag.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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