Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
that is very illegal...i love you.
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