it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
