My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
