the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
