His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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