So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
